'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
