Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Randomize
