In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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