This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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