Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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