I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Randomize
