..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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