The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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