my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
