Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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