so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
im six kinds of drunk right now
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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