oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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