You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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