Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
