Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
