i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
