So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
