Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
