i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize
