So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Sex in the backyard? Check.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize