You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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