y did u give ur computer a hand job?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
