went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
