Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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