spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
