Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He shit in the fireplace
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
