omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
