Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize