he told me I talked like a deaf person
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize