I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
