I wish I could teleport
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
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