I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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