My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
What a dumb baby whore.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
