I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
