I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
