Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
