I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
