yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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