She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
we're making bets on your personal life
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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