My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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