Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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