I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Randomize
