I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
The beer is more important than you right now.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
