Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
