Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
