why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Randomize
