Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
