so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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