your parents love me but you hate me
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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