idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
