Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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