Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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