Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
