Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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