I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
