he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
