k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
i've created a new STD.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
