ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
