is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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