i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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