she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
