sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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