I think im going to throw up on grandma
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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