That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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