he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
