Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
