I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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