you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize