I swear she didn't look like that last week.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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