just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
