Well douche your snatch and let's go!
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
