I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
