I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
