I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
