Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
