I have demons in me.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
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